American Idol Baby Blues

Our journey to having another beautiful baby started when O turned a year old. And so far it has been nothing but failed trys. about 2 years ago i did 6 months of Chlomed and some hormones. After the fourth month the Doc told me that if it hasn't happened yet then ti probably isnt going to. Well I still finished my last two months and he was right it was a no go. I was diagnosed with PCOS which I still really don't know a whole lot about it. I do know that it makes you gain and very hard to lose. Over the past few months we talked and decided that we are done and God has blessed us with one awesome girl. I am not going to lie there are a lot of times that I do get teary and let it out and wish that I could be selfish and have just one more. I have even researched adoption which I still think someday it is my calling I just wish it wasn't so expensive. I know that there are millions of people who try for years and never have one but I am blessed with what I have. As I am sitting here writing this(just to get it off my chest) I am watching American Idol from last week, yes I can't believe I am so behind but honestly I haven't watched TV in 2 weeks, there was this amazing girl. She had an amazing story and background. Those are the people that I absolutly Heart them. Not that the others don't deserve it but I came from not a lot of money so I can relate. It is just different to actually work for something than to just having when you want it. Yes my dad helped my sister and I withour first vehicle but after that we were on our own. But when we need help they never turn their backs. Anyways this girl from TN lives in a tent in the woods, at first I was like really you can't even get assistance. But really some people want to do it on their own and not recieve help. Her husband works everyday, they cook their food over the fire and sleep on a mattress in a tent. Wow I really sat there and thought to myself I really take a lot for granted. Here I am being sad over not having a second child and these people don't even have a home. Well let's just say she was good and got a golden ticket and I can't wait to see what she has up her sleeve. I am happy for her that for one week she will get to sleep out of the rain, cold and in a real bed. I pray that she goes on further and does some amazing things. Well on a happy note a week from tomorrow I will go pick up my husband down by Ft. Smith and bring him home for the weekend, his girls miss him. He started traveling back in May and it has been hit and miss when we get to see each other. Not gonna lie it is still very hard to see him leave but this is what is best for our family and it is an awesome company and they take good care of him. They still ask him I am ready to move up there but I just don't feel it is the right thing to do. Well time to go fight with my daughter to wash her stinky body (LOL) and then go to bed. Spelling and reading practice has gone really great this week now to actually ace her test to see if it is a trip to the movies for us girls. Signing off till next time for some random crap that I think of. I should have named this blog "The Crap that I think of at the dumbest times"

Venting!

Okay so since I have been getting off early the past few months I have been coming home and having some quiet mommy time. Sometimes I play on the computer, sometimes I lay in bed and stalk Pinterest (which I am OBSESSED with) but I am not going to lie for the most part I usually lay in my nice comfy bed and fall asleep until O comes home and tells me she is hungry. Now I love my child more than life itself and Thank God everyday that I have her but lets be honest I am a little on edge these days, so when she flings the door open like a bull in a china cabinet and throws her CRAP everywhere I think to myself I would have been so happy for just 10 more minutes of silence. Then the nightfull of battles begin. We butt heads so bad now I can't wait till the dreaded PUBERTY hits and I wants to run to Alaska and live in an igloo. No wait that is not far enough I need somewhere really far over a couple of oceans and all that jazz.
I asked my momma the other day if she thought it was okay to smash up some midol (just kidding I would never actually do it) please don't turn me in but you can't tell me all mothers at some point want to pull out all their hair. But then after a few hours of fighting and crying (yes sometimes there are tears out of both of us) she tells me I am the best and she loves me past the moon. She is one awesome, pissy, sassy, most lovable child ever. I love her more than she can even imagine.
I was drying her hair tonight and we got to talking (yes not fighting) and I told her that I loved her very much. She replies " I Love you more mommy, I proceeded to tell her until you become a Mother you will never know the love on one. But then threatened her that it better be when she turns 30 and is married. HA
So work has been crazy! Lots of sickness and snotty noses. I feel bad for the babies but think they are on the mend. I have a really great job and love working with the lil munchkins and work with an awesome girl. Sometimes I do wonder what it would be like to go back to school or even move and do something new. But I could not leave my family unless it was something I just couldn't pass up. If I ever did I would need some way stronger Nerve pills. Yes I am one of those people and I am totally not ashamed I take them cause in all reality I am a loose cannon without them. You should ask some of the girls I work with! HEHE
I have also been finding some super awesome blogs from a good friend and one of my bosses Brooke and there was this one she found and this lady is a stay at home mom and she is HILARIOUS. I will have to get her link and put it up. she is super dooper funny and very real. Okay well O is sleeping and I am done expressing my emotions tonight, So I guess I should get some sleep.

Weekend Getaway and Addictions!

Okay so this weekend was so much needed time away from Mtn. Home and I always feel guilty when I say I need a break. I have an amazing Mother and MIL that took my girl for the weekend and I am so ready to get back tomorrow and get a big hug. I will say i don't see me leaving town without her anytime soon. But I feel it is always good for a marriage to have some time to make for each other. I miss my husband when he is gone and it sounds funny but I feel like we are closer than ever with each other. We both have webcams and video chat every night and say prayers which makes him being gone a bit easier.
On to our weekend, I arrived after a 3 hour drive to Alma, AR. I had no trouble what so ever and then I get to a little town of Alma and turned the wrong direction and had to turn around. When I got to the hotel Mike's (Matt's boss) truck was having some problems. So I followed Matt to the mechanic's shop to drop it off. Which worked out for me bc they got to take off work saturday so we headed into ft. Smith to shop. He took me to the mall which we just walked through and left. We hit Best buy to find something to make his computer faster cause it is sooooo slow. Then we hit Target which I LOVE ME SOME TARGET! Got my girl some treats for valentines Day. I also got her some goodies for her classmates for V-Day as well. Then we came back and I fell asleep till 6 PM and Matt woke me up and asked if I wanted to go eat dinner, so that is what we did. Luckily Crackle Barrel is right next door so we walked and had a good dinner. I ordered a 10 oz steak, which was freaking huge but that is all they had. I ate about half and was busting at the seems. So I have had a wonderful weekend with my husband but I am ready to go home and hug my baby girl.
So this past week at work everyone seems to be getting sick, and I am bound a determined I WILL NOT GET SICK! So I have found these amazing smoothies, they are called Naked and I went to walmart and got a few to get me thru the weekend. I Heart them so much. You would think it was nasty aanad some are, but I got one that has 5 different kinds of fruit, some brocolli, spinich, wheat grass, and a bunch of other weird stuff but it was sooooo good. My new idea is i am going to drink one for breakfast and lunch, then have a good dinner and get this weight off. Well I better go enjoy my last night before I head home. This has been a good weekend and I will be back, Matt has one more week of hauling and then we will be back to visit daddy.

2012

Wow I cannot believe how this past year has flown by and we are now in the year 2012. As I sit here trying to video chat with my husband and update my blog forgive me if I mispell something.
I have a few goals for the year 2012, Here is a rundown:
1. My number one goal is to LOSE WEIGHT!!!!!
2. Stop worrying about anyone else that does not matter.
3. I want to pray more and learn, and teach my daughter more about the Bible.
4. I want to learn some more patience and not seem so frustrated.

Well it is a start the weight thing is the biggest goal so far. My way of starting out is to quit drinking soda. I can't quit cold turkey though so it will be a slow process.
On a really good note Matthew will be in Ozark Arkansas for the next nine months. I am STOKED! So I see many road trips for me and my booger to take, Which means lots of dramamine so there will be no puking in my car. Speaking of puke I have to go clean some up. UGH my child pukes so much and I can't figure out why. She has such a weak stomach like her momma.
The other thing I am gonna really try to keep this blog updated on how our lives change so someday looking back Olivia can see what went on. Nothing on my blog is really important to most but it is to us. I will soon have some pics to upload now that I actually have a new computer.
I love my family and my life bring on what lies ahead in the year 2012!

Blogs!

I really am not sure how to go about writing this blog. I have spent the past few hours catching up on blogs that I LOVE LOVE LOVE to read. It is not noseyness I just get some inspiration from some and laughter from others. Although a few of the people I know but others I have never met but someday would actually love to.
I hate death especially when it comes to children and babies. We have a 6 (almost 7) year old and she is healthy and my whole world. We have struggled with infertility for almost 6 years now and it has had it's ups and downs, actually more downs, but we are coming to grips that God's plan for us maybe to only have one child and for whatever that reason may be I am olay with. I am not saying that my heart still aches for just one more baby that is mine but I am OKAY!
Now going back to other blogs! I have followed this certain blog and this sweet couple has a set of twins. I knew they had lost a baby boy but have never really watched or read back for fear of feeling heartache and as I was sitting here alone I decided I was going to do it. Thru the tears I am writing this and seeing the slideshow in my mind and what they must have felt like holding their baby while it took it's last breath. UGH I am so thankful to have what I have and a healthy girl and one AMAZING husband.
I have a good friend who buried her son after a battle with cancer and still to this day I remember exactly how he looked in his casket. Although we have kind of drifted apart I still pray for their family and will always. I have never done too well with funerals and stuff and I will have to say that day effected me in ways I cannot imagine and I am not to one who was actaully going thru it.
I may not attend church like I should but I still pray for God to watch out for us all and take the pain away. My mother lost a baby after carrying her for 9 months and I still wonder what our family would be like if there was another girl and what she would look like and if we would be close like my sister and I am now. I pray for my daughter to never have to feel pain and live a long happy life.
I pray and hope that someday if I can't have another blessing than maybe I can answer some prayers for another child in need of a family. This has been such a good weekend and I will end it with I thank God for everything and I am very blessed.

A new Start in 2012!

Okay so 2011 I have to say has been a real test for us as a family. Here's a recap. It started out okay still had some work but not as much as before. We were owed a lot of money and had to fight with some rude people and finally got it but it is so hard once you get behind you seem to struggle to catch up. I have had lots of trial and tribulations with people I was close to and not real sure it will ever be the same. M started his new job which was a huge adjustment on me and O because we didn't see him much. Then when we got home I had a massive infection that I let go way to long in my knee. It hurt so bad and I spent 4 days in the hospital on so nasty antibiotics that made me feel like death! Then once again I got slammed with a humungo (not really a word but oh well) bill which luckily they worked with us. So then I got 3 more infections throughout by body but caught them very quickly and only the last one was stubborn and had to be cut open, and of course it was on my face. So in turn more work missed. I hate missing work I feel like I let everyone down, but hey gotta watch out for my babies at work. With no insurance it has been rough.
So now we are ending 2011 on a positive note. We are selling some stuff we don't need, as of January 1st I have an insurance policy that my bosses found it isn't full but it is something and I am thankful. M got to stay home for almost 2 weeks and it has been nice. O has been battling a nasty cold, which so am I. But I am looking forward to what 2012 has to throw at me because this last year has been rough so I think we are good to go at what is coming our way.
One of the many things I have learned this year is you should never get comfortable with the things and materials that you are use too because you never know when "LIFE" might change. I am thankful that I was reminded even though it was a hard lesson. I love my life and everything and everyone I have in it. And I don't know if they will ever read this but I had a couple brought into my life about 7 1/2 months ago and I think God knew I would need them to show me there are good in people. They are truly my "Gaurdian Angles"!
HAPPY NEW YEAR and my goal is to try and keep up with this darn blog so I can look back later in life and remember all that I have went through. Even if there isn't one person who reads this, this is for me and me only to document our lives.

Birthdays, Holidays and good friends

First off one of my very good friends just turned 30! Danielle is such an amazing friend, she has always been there for me and never judges and would do anything for anyone. Love you girl and wish you the very best happiness and miss seeing you everyday at work.

Thanksgiving was good as usual. We are so very blessed with amazing family. We spent the first part of the day at Matt's family and the second half with mine. It was a busy but very fun day. My sister in law and I decided to run to town black friday but didnt do any shopping i just needed to hit up the pharmacy.
I wad very happy that M and I got 4 days together and that is the most since this new job. I am looking for a reason to go back to NC, it is absolutly gorgous and it is my new love I dream of someday going back. If it wasn't for my whole family being here I would pack up and leave tomorrow they are the only ones holding me here. Because I knoe the friends I want to keep up with will keep in touch and the others sorta drifted away and that is okay.
I am looking forward to Christmas but not as much as usual I guess it is just not the same M and I always pick O's presents out together and I of course had to go it alone this year but I have realized life is changing in so many ways. My husband is amazing and I thank God that I have him. He is wiling to do whatever it takes to support his family. He still loves it and the company is a good company to work for and that is really hard to find these days.
Olivia is.doing good in school her grades are slipping just a bit from the beginning of school so we r trying to get back on track. Her Christmas program is Tuesday night and I am super excited bc I have heard a lot from her. Well the weekend is coming to an end and I am okay with it bc I get a bit lonely on the weekends w/o M home and I don't get to talk to him much bc he works 7 days a week and doesnt get back to motel till about 6 or 7.
Well a little catch up I am still doing as good as I can be with my best friend gone but I am thankful we both have jobs.